Today I participated in part 1 of the BDD and shame research study conducted by University College London (UCL).
I blew off a major ritual — or two.
Normally I’d apply a double helping of makeup, then take my laptop into a darkened room, put on sunglasses and a ballcap, play with the lighting and shadows until I can tolerate my face. It’s a long and laborious process that involves a lot of hair fluffing, cursing, and it always stresses me out more than it calms me.
Today, I wanted to push my boundaries and forgo this ritual. I checked my mirror, of course, (I’m not an utter slob), but it happened in a flash and I didn’t even do makeup touchups — mostly because I didn’t have time, it was a dash up and down stairs just seconds prior to the call. And then I took the call right in front of a window (my back to the window to retain some face shade).
When we went live, I blurred my eyes, identified the general location of my face on screen, and stuck a big pink, extra-sticky Post-It note over that bugger.
I micro-managed some facial tremors and kept my fidgety hands away from my face.
Recovering from BDD takes a series of these incremental steps, and it takes time. It took me over a year to open my curtains, doing it layer by layer and inch by inch, and now I’m taking video calls in front of 17 windows. Keep taking those steps and changes will happen.
If you’d like to get involved in these studies, follow the links below:
BDD and shame
BDD and romantic relationships
Male participants
Healthcare professionals
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